The How I Met Your Mother Blog

And…we’re back for one final review of the year! Let’s dive in:

What was Good

• I loved it. Every joke hit. The characters fired on all cylinders. The birth of Marvin was touching and moving. Ted was the focus. Dug it all around.
• You know how much I love it when the show is realistic? They nailed Marshall’s sobering up. He progressed from fucking wasted to kinda wasted to sort of wasted to wasted to drunk to buzzed by the time he made it to the delivery room.
• Robin’s horse gags. Notice how she holds her hand out flat when she feeds Lily the sugar cubes?
• If you’re gonna have filler, this is how you do it; a series of mini-stories that show character.
• This wasn’t good, this was great; Marvin “Wait For It” Erickson. I am so pissed that they came up with that middle name before I could knock up my girlfriend (after we’re married, of course, assuming she says yes when I arrange for Boys II Men to get back together and serenade her before I get down on one knee. Yes, she’s reading this. Honey, this episode is called, “The Magician’s Code.” Only I know how I am really going to do it…if this continues (private joke). Love you babe) and talk her into doing so. Jesus Christ on the cross they could not have come up with a better middle name.
• Robin’s speech to Ted about dating the wrong women was wonderful and honest. However, where she is going wrong is that she doesn’t get that when you are young, you have to learn who the wrong women are through experience. He didn’t know they were wrong for him; he had to find out the hard way. This is one of the reasons I have such a personal connection to this show; I used to be just like Ted. Ain’t no way I’m the only one.
• More on this; Robin, with you, Ted was young and naive enough to think he could change your mind. Rookie mistake, we all make it when we are young, dumb and full of semen. Stella, well, Ted got hosed on this one. She was reckless and she lied to Ted, as well as herself. I don’t know how you avoid that. Such is life. And Zoe? She was just hot and into architecture enough to fool him, or at least, make him fool himself. So, the idea that you think Ted is avoiding commitment by dating the wrong women on purpose is just silly. Ted’s getting there…almost there.
• “We love you no matter what.” Yeah, damn right we do.
• Bringing back the Fiero with that horrible song from the 90′s (college!). Shout-outs like this help create a greater sense of emotional intimacy with the audience that has been watching it from the beginning.
• The entire Magic trick, including TSA (screw you TSA). BTW, South Park had a much more accurate presentation of those ass clowns.
• Did any of you seriously doubt that the magic trick was leading to an engagement? Then again, I don’t care, I was having too much fun. I knew a ring was coming, I just didn’t know when. And the fucking sword, jesus I fell out of my chair.

What was Bad

• Not much. My one big one; I’m pissed at Ted. I’ll go into more of it in the closing thoughts.
• I thought the door story was much ado about nothing. Unless there is some metaphor I’m missing.
• Quinn redecorating. I thought it was a joke, then I realized they weren’t kidding. Nope. Sorry, not buying it. Even though I laughed.
• They went cliche in the end with that Cat Stevens (or whatever he’s calling himself these days). “The Wind”? Really? HIMYM usually finds some obscure song that I’ve never heard (George Harrison) or a cool indie rock band that doesn’t make me want to punch them in the nuts for being hipsters (Vampire Weekend).

Favorite Moments

• A lot. A hell of a lot. But if you are asking me to narrow them down…
• Marshall’s Yoda talk. Any Star Wars reference is a welcome one. Especially when coupled with booze.
• Worst Cab Ride Ever. Thing is, the bum looked like an average NYC cab driver to me.
• The contraction joke. Carter Bays is such a nerd. I love him.
• Lily calling in security not once but twice in her life.
• Barney getting pulled off the chopper.
• Drunk Marshall at the ATM machine channeling Nick from “Freaks and Geeks.”
• Barney picking up girls as the Terminator. He is so sucking in his gut. Barney, careful; you are so getting tackled by the NYPD with that fake shotgun.
• The Geriatric Reverse Spartacus moment on the bus. Asshole, it’s “Cocoon: The Return”, not “Cocoon 2″. I’m nitpicking here because I hate NYC assholes.
• Ted’s “I love you” joke. He had me fooled too, and I feel like the Robin door is finally closed. At least it better be; I’m sick of it already.
• The stapling of the arm. Yes, I used to do kegstands and stupid shit. And someday I will be a Dad. You must make mistakes yourself if you are going to be a proper parent.
• “Some hot piece of ass” Robin…you’re adorable.
• Quinn and her stripper buddies, all of which pass the cheerleader test. I love it when they combine hilarious with hot chicks.
• Quinn’s American Psycho comment. Nailed it on the head, girl.
• Mr. Flanagan’s face with the gatorade.

Questions and Queires

• Since Cobie Smulders is way too classy to get a boob job, it’s good that they are showing off her legs. SHE GOT LEGGGGS!
• Regarding some complaints about Ted’s email…well, he’s gotta be the center of attention SOMEWHERE! HEYOH!!!
• Guys, if you don’t have my morals and ethics (I don’t throw my girlfriend under the bus when I fart or take a dump) there is a cure for the rumbling pants and bathroom bombs; matches. See that hot red-head with huge tits, legs all the way up to her neck and a great ass? She took a big smelly dump this morning, just like you. Everybody poops.
• “The Story of a wedding day that went terribly wrong.” They wrote that on purpose to fuck with us. That’s fine. Let’s just enjoy the story and stop specuohwhoamikiddingyouguyswilldoitanyway.
• I’m surprised Barney didn’t want to stick around to see Lily’s tits when it was time to feed little Marv.
• “Tired of waiting for Destiny” I was waiting for a stripper joke, weren’t you?
• Lily would know that Victoria is in the middle of a freak out, she would know, wouldn’t she? A freak-out of hers broke up her and Marshall for a summer, once. She can spot it a mile away.
• Anyone wanna take Barney’s magician’s sayings and play ‘em backwards?
• Um, one of you said that there are better HIMYM sites out there. Uh, with all due respect, buddy, bullshit. We have the best writers (cough cough), but even better than me and JD, the best commenters (all of you). You are loyal, passionate, care so much and have so many wonderful and interesting things to say. Much love and respect, guys. Seriously. You even put up with me being a douchebag and plugging my podcast (’twas the price of taking over the blog…if you’re good at something never do it for free…The Joker).
• Of course the bride is Robin (called that two weeks ago, didn’t I? Let me gloat a little bit).

Final Thoughts

This was the best episode of the season, and I’m pissed at Ted.

Actually wait. First, Robin.

Dear Robin,

We can now add Quinn to the list of people who you directly or indirectly ran over with a train (Kevin, Barney, Nora). Honey…get some help. Seriously. Please do it before the wedding, babe.

And now Ted…

Dear Ted,

What do you know about Victoria, buddy? What do you really know? Here are some objective facts:

You knew her for two (three) months before she left for Germany. She was weak willed and girly enough to pull the, “since you asked me to stay I have to go” crap. Fine. Neither one of you thought enough of each other to stay faithful. Keep that in mind. Off she goes, what could have been? You two had a connection, I’ll give you that, but you spent six years thinking about the idea of each other, not actually who you really are. You don’t know each other, you cannot know someone in two months. Period. Then, you bump into her at a thing or something, and wait for it…she cheats on her fiancee with you. Sorry, making out is cheating, buddy. She’s right about Robin, but a broken clock or person is right at least once a day, if not twice. Flashforward to today, her fucking wedding day of all people, and she pulls the girly “you decide” crap and you make the wrong decision…more of that in a minute. But she is with another dude for six years and leaves him at the altar for a guy she doesn’t really know?

Who is this person?

She’s fucked in the head, buddy. Robin is right about one thing; you keep going after the wrong women.

And here’s the worst part, Ted.

This was done to you. You actually acknowledged this, you said the words, and then you changed your mind. I thought you grew up, buddy; you haven’t yet. I hope you come around and do the right thing. Victoria is not the angel you think she is. She’s a twisted, sad screwed up person just like the rest of them; at least Robin admits it and is actively trying to change. For that, Robin has my respect. You do not.

You keep forgetting to enjoy the ride. Forget to do so, and you’ll keep making mistakes and people will keep getting burned.

So….to wrap it up….

Will Barney and Robin be happily married ever after? He would have to travel the world to do so…

How will Ted finally close the door on Victoria, and will she go back to the German?

Okay, that’s 1700 words (and counting). More coming later, I promise. We’ll keep the ball rolling until September.

Thanks for reading.

Well, we’re getting down to the wire. In two weeks, we’re gonna find out who Barney’s bride is, and we just might find out who Mom is as well (I’m betting no on that, but then again, I never was much of a gambler).

In the lead-up to the big finale, we have tonight’s bit of filler that ended with a bang that only an idiot wouldn’t see coming.

Let us dive the f–k in, shall we?

What was AWE-SOME

• It is so true that you will do anything to avoid someone who has broken your heart. Isn’t it especially awkward when they are in your closest inner circle of friends? Ted will learn this episode thatyou can’t run away from a demon forever. You gotta turn around, face it and kick it in the nuts.
• Condolence high-five; happy to see the writers found a way to make something oh-so-old brand new.
• The show’s continued use of attention to detail coupled with Tivo’s God-like ability to pause live television (fake Jessica Rabbit, Hot lady Architect, actually using Ted’s name in the profile, ect).
• Barney’s manipulation of Ted and the Gang might actually have positive ramifications. This lends credence to the idea that Ted is including Barney so much in the story of how he met the love of his life for a very specific reason (besides a sitcom’s need for a comic relief Fonzie-type).
• Marshall and the practice baby. Of course he ate it later.
• Indeed, Quinn does not need to be rescued. On this, she’s right. Girls are not supposed to be rescued, guys. They are not helpless lazy sleepyheads in a tall tower surrounded by a giant fire-breathing lizard.
• Of course, we know that Baby camp is gonna be a crock. But it’s hilarious because it fits the characters and Marshall is a doll.
• Finally, TED GOT LAID!!!!!  Seriously, when was the last time he got some ass?

What was LAME (and not the good Lame)

• “I love the fact that you’re a stripper” (truth), “I hate the fact that you’re a stripper” (truth). “Barney, I love my job”, (LIE). Not buying it, sweetie.
• Although I’m happy to have an answer to what that phone call at the casino was, eh, it was a let down. My first thought back in September was, “Oh no, it’s not Lily going into labor, too obvious). It should have been something about Quinn. Or his father.

Favorite Moments

• “Looks like I blue her out of the water” oh Ted, you lame bastard, we love you
• Barney, nose to nose with his grandmother. You just know that she tried to kiss him when they yelled, “cut”.
• “You guys trying the 39?” Wait…let me see how that works…39….hmmmm…OH I get it.
• “My methods get results!”
• Daryl the creepy guy not wearing jeans to a strip club. Sounds like a Barney disciple to me. Oh sweet irony. Date a stripper, suffer the consequences, Barnacle.
• “This diaper smells…I don’t wanna know.” Marshall eats a lot, so, the source of poo is plentiful
• Barney’s apology card to Quinn. Hilarious, and honest. This is gonna be a train wreck.
• Can’t argue with Quinn’s analogy between strippers and bankers.
• “Holy long walk for a short drink of water, Ted”
• The “Mad At Lily” shirt. Genius. Wonderful punchline to the set up.

Questions and WTF?

• I wonder, is there any significance to having Ted show up late and Robin show up early? I don’t know, I’m spitballing here. What do you guys things?
• Red and blue strollers, anything there? Red is aggressive, like Robin, Blue is a boys color, like Ted, I don’t know, spitballing again.
• Wait a minute, Quinn, a couple of weeks ago (in the shows timeline) you said you’d give up stripping if you “got married” (wink wink hint hint). Now you are telling Barney you like it? BULLS…ah forget it.
• Ted, if you love Cleveland so much, move back!
• The first girl that Barney picked for Ted…no boobs. Plot hole!
• “In return, I made you cookies,” Barney, since when can you bake?
• AC BABY! Really? Is that what you New Yorkers (Yankies Suck go O’s) tells yourselves because you’re not within driving distance of Vegas?
• “I did throw it away, it came back.” Uh…how?
• Last season’s Barney story was about his reconnecting with his Dad. What has Lithgow been doing? Far and away the biggest reason Barney is the barnacle is because of his father.

Closing thoughts

Dear Ted,

You’re not ready to start dating again until you are over someone. The reason for this is because all you do is compare each girl to the one that got away.

Which begs the question, what were you doing almost marrying Stella? Looks like she was right all along, and I’m suddenly not as mad at her as I used to be anymore.

I thought the door was already closed. I thought this was done and dusted. I thought that when we heard that shrieking English broad from Florence and the Machine that you were finally moving on. Douche! Get (smack) your (smack) self (smack) to (smack) gether (smack smack). Shake it up, shake it up! Look at all the yellow umbrellas! The world is wide open!

In the meantime, Ted, feel free to check out my show and call in if you like!

Well, in two weeks, we find out who the bride is. The finalists in the Barney-Bachelorette Extravaganza, with Vegas-style odds, are:

Nora (4-1)

Robin (2-1)

Quinn (50-1):

Mystery Girl (30-1)

See y’all in two weeks!

Welcome back…most of you. Just kidding. So tonight, we had a nice little one-off. It was…okay. Not bad, not good, somewhere in the middle.

First, here is a picture of Quinn stripping:

Barney, buddy, YOU’RE LIVING WITH A STRIPPER.

I’m glad that you finally clued into that fact tonight.

Anyway.

What was Good

• Barney. I will admit, I seriously thought that they would not have the end twist that he’s actually in denial. I’m an idiot. And it’s true. Not even Barney is gonna be okay falling in love with a Stripper. Hang on, phone call (picks up phone, talks to dead horse who is asking to not be beaten anymore).
• A nice reveal in the end as to why Lily is having sex dreams about a certain kind of man. At least, that’s what Marshall thinks.
• Oh, that awkward thing; do you text someone you’re not speaking to when something like her landing a chopper after the pilot has a stroke happens? Yes. Yes you do. Ted my boy, you are growing up. And it’s also nice that Robin is a good person.
• The title cards and the Phil Collins references. I honestly thought Mr. Sue-Sue-Suedio would show up in the end. It’s not like he’s busy doing anything, you know, besides trying to make us feel guilty about the homeless.
• The Pay-off from the “Mermaid Theory”. I love that B&T are making this one big tapestry of interconnected story lines. It shows how much they appreciate us and aren’t taking us for granted.

What Was Bad

• Nothing in particular. Just that the episode didn’t blow me out of the water for some reason. Some of the jokes hit, most didn’t. I don’t know, I’m not feeling particularly word-county today. Sorry.
• I’m jealous of Ted. I’m on a diet, and hence can’t eat ribs on the couch tonight. Lame. Not a bad thing at all, I just felt like writing something else here. Again, when I don’t have much to write about, I don’t have much to write about.

Favorite Moments

• The big picture of Sandy Rivers.
• Sandy Rivers trying to kiss Robin. Seriously, where is the Title VII suit? He was IN the video, for crying out loud!
• Robin’s Father STILL isn’t proud of her. Robin, I know that sucks and all, but it could be so much worse. Has he beaten you or drunkenly crept into your bedroom at 2 in the morning? Nope.
• Ted in the Dress. Nailed it. And the chick who gave him her number was HIZ-HOT.
• Ted naked in his apartment (I’m not Gay). That was literally the first thing I did when I got my own place.
• Ranjit!  Hello!
• The Sound Effect of Barney appearing back at the table.

Questions/EH?

• Anyone else find Ted’s new place kinda…bland? The set design has it completely constricted. There is so much stuff in there it’s all a mish-mash of color without any personality.
• I think they are getting ready to make Cobie a re-occurring guest star, what do you think?
• The commentary on Norbit just made me depressed to think how funny Eddie Murphy used to be.
• Barney distracting himself with constant legendary life is a microcosm of what he’s being doing his entire life; trying to escape the pain of abandonment from his father, and also the fact that his mother was a complete skank (though loving him as best she could). Ted is taking (in my professional opinion) a very big step tonight, which is to make himself happy alone. For only then can he find happiness with someone else. You know, the girl he’s going to impregnate with his double-the-fun demon seed in two years or less.
• You know the dude with the black beard behind Ted and Barney during several bar scenes? He looks just like JD. JD, was that you?

Closing Thoughts

I have no letters to write to any of the characters today, because I’d just be repeating myself. We have two weeks to wait for the next episode. You can amuse yourselves by listening to my podcast and looking at pictures of me with goats. See y’all later!

Welcome back everyone! Was tonight the return of the “Naked Man”? I say so. Casting is never a coincidence (UPDATE: this is NOT the naked man. Thank you, Kate, for pointing that out).

I still am not fond of the scheduling, but oh well, what can you do? I am very curious to watch this season all the way through when it’s all done.

We have a new episode next week, then two weeks off, then a new one, then two weeks off, then the season finale two-parter (right?).

Let’s dive in!

What was Good

• This episode was a lot of fun. It might be considered a “one-off” but it used the characters to the best of their abilities and was really funny. It had a complicated structure that stuck together well, and I loved the constant improvisational re-write of the future for massive laughs. “Did I mention I’m French?” Well done, Kourtney.
• Star Wars. I like that instead of making numerous holy trilogy references (they were there, but…), they used it as a springboard to explore what these guys are going through. And no references whatsoever to the prequels, because they never happened. You hear me? They never happened.
• Certainly, it can be a sobering event to take a look at yourself today and realize that your dreams from the past did not always turn out as you would have liked. Life is a roller-coaster. Just hang on, guys.
• The Newspaper Gags: Carter Bays is known for being a couple of steps left of Fidel. I laughed out loud at all of them and the last one was the best.
• The fart gag. They had me fooled, I assumed it was just another flim-flam of his.
• It was so fun to hit the pause button and look at all the detail. Nice sandwich!

What was Bad

• Jason Segel, phoning it in. Dude, I love you, man, but maybe those Muppets or that Five-Year Engagement have you distracted, Marshall who lives at home. For example, in the 2006 flashback, you did an impression of a dumped guy, instead of actually personifying a dumped guy like you did while shooting season 2.
• They didn’t sell the flashback Teds and Marshalls for me. I realize that this might be impossible, but would it kill you to spike up Ted’s hair like it was in season 1?
• Naked Man’s Wife’s, “I’M GOING TO MY MOTHERS” over-the-top delivery. Should have been quiet and understated instead.
• The Barney-Quinn romance, moving right along at warp speed. I don’t know what happened behind the scenes, I have no idea, you guys talk about it in the comments.
• I didn’t believe that Quinn would get rid of all of her stuff for Barney. My guess is that she has a bunch of stuff in the basement of the lusty leopard.

Favorite Moments

• Naked Man’s Wife’s rack. Sorry, ladies.
• “The Well-Dressed Blonde…man.” Thoughts?
• “Do you even know what econ is?” No idea. Don’t worry, guys, not even the experts of economics can agree on its meaning. We’re all screwed, nevermind, be worried.
• Ted’s long hippy-hair growing down instead of up. Damn jew-fro. Oh sweet genius of the writing staff.
• “President Dean calmly addresses the nation”
• Back boobs. Why have I not thought of this before?
• “But Baby #4 isn’t even out yet?” I’m just that good. Right you are, old man.
• Robin’s 2006 zingers. Can’t type ‘em all out, they were all hilarious.
• Robin hiding in the storm trooper. Great use of foreground/background humor.
• Barney sweaty/Barney suited up. Great sight gag!
• The different formats of the trilogy. I’d love to have their thoughts on all of the changes made for the Blu-Ray (seriously, it’s laughable, George).

Questions and WTFs

• You really aren’t a real couple until you can fart in front of each other. And do each other’s laundry and bleach out the skid marks. And purchase a pair of earplugs because she snores (true story). On and on and on.
• Did Ted and Marshall actually live in the same dorm room for four years?
• Okay, 2015 Ted, you have baby Leia with you, where’s Luke for the trilogy?
• Mom will be knocked up by 2014 at the latest, I would go ahead and assume that we are about to meet the mother, like, SOON, like perhaps by next fall. I might start a poll on this site…
• Everyone, the ring finger was hidden for a very good and obvious reason. I should not have to explain it to you, if you want to gab about it in the comments section, knock yourself out.
• Since we know that Ted and Robin aren’t going to see each other for a while…I wonder how they are going to handle it.
• I fart more than once a day, Barney, don’t you?
• Robin, you got rid of your dogs for Ted, didn’t you? And Robin, you’re alone because of your issues, baby-girl.
• Barney, you don’t demand dominance, you command it. You just be dominant.
• I guess Ted got contacts before his senior year.
• Writers, you missed a gag; when “Rhiannon” comes out for the opera, she says, “Hey Guys, it’s Me Again.” You should have dropped the ‘Guys’. Wanna guess why? Gold star to the first person who figures this out.

Closing Thoughts

Dear Teddy-WestSide,

Although Robin may have been the woman of your dreams for so long, she has nothing on the woman of reality that you will truly fall in love with.  You spent the ‘oughts’ dating some version of Robin nonstop. It takes years of wisdom to realize that you gotta stop dating the wrong girl and make the changes within to go find the right one. You will. You know you will. You’re almost there.

Marshall figured that an historic seven-week run at Wheel of Fortune would be all the money he would need. One big mistake we often make in dreaming is assuming we’ll be loaded without any of the work that goes into it. This recent nonsense with the lottery pissed me off to no end and sets a terrible example for us to follow. The future dreaming should include a plan of action, not hoping for a big win at the Powerball.

Likewise, you can’t hope to find the one, Ted, you gotta work for it. How do you work for it? Make yourself happy first, then you can find her.

Someone very famous from the future once said, “Don’t try to be a great man, just be a man, let history make its own judgments.” That was Zephran Cochrane, and he invented warp drive, Ted. Nerds unite. Likewise, don’t be married to your future; make a plan, but allow life to give you some opportunities to improv. Stay the course, and enjoy the ride. Everything is going to be okay. Chin up, the night is darkest before the dawn.

Jordan

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Don’t forget to check out my podcast, The “Sensitive Nice Guy” Show!

Welcome back everyone! Once again, we had to wait a few weeks for this one, and once again (wait for it) we have to wait until April 16 for the next one.

I will never understand the decisions behind the scheduling. AMC does it properly; they break “Walking Dead” up into two chunks and, as a result, the audience grows and doesn’t scatter. Go figure, I have no idea what I’m talking about. Moving on.

What Was Kick-ass!

• A really fun episode all around with quite a few laughs. Heavy on the mythology and the acting was superb. I know there would be a plot twist (duh, the show often uses the unreliable narrator gag with skill and intelligence), but I did not know what the twist would be.
• Ted and Robin. They are doing a great job of stretching out the payoff to the set-up that things are gonna be awk-ward for a long time between the two of them.
• Indeed, these people know each other backwards and forwards, and thus, it’s completely believable that Barney and Quinn could pull a fast one on them.
• The Broath: Nice use of the Playbook.
• The Next Generation of LAME and Ted. I saw it coming but I don’t care, I loved it.
• We are getting back to making this about Ted (yay, I know, right?). “Everybody Loves Raymond” was great in that every single storyline found its way back to the protagonist.
• “Quin”ntervention. True to the character of Marshall and funny.
• The “Back to Normal” scene. Sometimes what is not said is more dramatic than what is.

What Was…eh…

• The entire Ceasar flashback dragged way too long, fell completely flat, and the Ninjas were lame when they should have been cool. A misfire.
• Patrice. Eh.
• That’s it, not much else to complain about, I really liked this episode. That’s four in a row!

Highlights

• “Ted EVELYN Mosby”
• “Wait…are they chanting ‘bro”?”
• “Yeah, I got a Monk guy.” I need to find a guy who always has a guy for something.
• Why DID you ever tell Barney your middle name, Ted?
• “You’re like 20 slutty chicks all rolled into 1!” Sweet talk always works, bro.
• The meatball story. Guess we know which sexual position you were in, Lily…
• Robin popping the wine. Good job, Cobie. And nice job showing some leg in the next shot.
• “I’m a little shaky on fake-history”
• Ted and Marshall’s peck on the lips. Nailed it. We don’t want to kiss each other unless we are gay. Ladies, it’s different for you. Now build a bridge and get over it. That doesn’t make us homophobic, it makes us DUDES. If we want to roll around on the ground in tights together we’ll join the high school wrestling team, thank you very much. Just like the Ancient Romans!
• “And then he banged and invented a salad”
• The Lily/Robin kiss. Nailed it, Allison.
• “Who am I to judge anyone? I’m the devil.”

Questions/Queries

• I honestly wonder if the Exotic Dancers Union lobbied the writers for this storyline. The stripper-with-the-heart-of-gold thing? Okay, I’ll buy it, because Quinn is cute (hot) as a button. Guys will bang them, but date them? Yeah, it happens, but bad-idea jeans. You really wanna date a chick who has guys pawing all over them for her day job? Quinn? Where is your Dad? I am going with this storyline and I’m happy that the writers have allowed me to suspend my disbelief that this would ever, ever happen, nor ever, ever work out. I don’t care that it’s Barney; why the hell do you think the strip club DJ knows his name? He has woman-issues, and now he’ll fall in love with a stripper? Oh sweet irony.
• At what point is Marshall going to get uncomfortable that his wife wants to scissor with Robin?
• Anyone else think that Robin was going to set Ted up by messing with his feelings in order to get the apartment? I did, because sitcoms have trained me to believe that all women are manipulative witches from hell. Nice to see that this show is above and beyond that garbage, showing that Robin is, in spite of her problems, a decent and warm individual who would never do that to Ted, at least not on purpose.
• Where is all of Ted’s stuff? Storage, I guess.
• They keep using stock footage of the kids on the couch. That is obviously because, well, they’ve grown and it won’t fit. Wouldn’t it be fun to shoot ahead to 2035 and see them in college? Shake things up and do some serious flash-forwarding a la “Lost”?
• Ted, Uncle Barney went off the grid for a couple of weeks because he was banging a chick who knew exactly how to wax his cucumber properly. The best ones always do.
• Um, guys, do you ever really want to hear sex stories from your significant other’s past?
• I wonder if that “Broman Times” set was laying around the Fox lot from “Cleopatra”
• Robin, you broke Ted’s heart. Not your fault, and you did the right thing, but give the boy time. Don’t try to make him feel guilty for not returning your calls. It sucks for you too but not as much as it does for Ted, and don’t tell him you miss him. You’ll only give him hope.

In Closing…

I know I rail on you fine, wonderful people (all kidding aside, thank you so much for reading) for constantly predicting stuff, but I’m gonna go ahead and throw my hat in the ring.

Quinn isn’t the bride. Or at least, shouldn’t be.

Dear Barney,

I know that Quinn is f–king hot, dynamo in the sack, and a Penn alum. I know how much all of that means to you. But dude.

It’s not her. 

Buddy, you are going to get run over by a train. Remember how badly Robin screwed you over? That was a square dance by comparison. You wanna know why?

SHE’S A STRIPPER!!!!

She spent your first date milking you for cash, and oh, btw, that was three weeks ago. Now, she tells you that it’ll take a diamond the size of Hope to get her to stop taking her clothes off for cash. Uh, dude? Please wake up. Why do you think Strippers hate men so much? All of them, 100% of them, have been screwed over by men in their pasts, often by the very man they were supposed to trust the most. Henceforth, they spend 8 hours a day lying their fake tits off to gullible morons who think they are the next Richard Gere. Nope. I never thought you’d be this dumb.

Bottom line; you don’t know her…actually, you already do. By her own admission, she worships chaos. These people are nothing but trouble. Stop listening to the little Barney and start acting with your brain.

Then again, “that’s the story of how we met Quinn.”

Uh-oh…